I am using my first posterous blog posts to share about my 86 year old Mother's final months of life.

The email updates begain to praying friends (I'm so blessed to be surrounded by many many praying friends) right before my Mother was diagnosed with

lung cancer that ultimately spread to her brain.

During the final 2 months of her life I moved in with my Mother to care for her during her journey.

As a Christian, I considered this Sacred and Divine time. My Mother was a professing Non Believer!

The support I recieved through the prayers and encouragement of friends was beautiful.

I will share emails that I sent to praying friends and their replies.

A friend gave me the good advice to save these correspondences; I am so thankful I did. Without these emails I would not remember the details of this

uniquely precious time.

Occasionally I will post pictures and notes to add to the emails.

Everyone will face the death of loved ones. We don't spend time dwelling on this fact. Yet, my hope is that sharing the experience I had might help

someone through their journey.

Martha

Mom just has bronchitis -- I say just has.. but she has been sicker than I'd ever known her to be. A little more than a year ago she began smoking again.. after more than 10 years!! ((I know this is why I'd never ever have another.. it is so addictive. PTL for freedom from those things.. pray for Tommy... he struggles.. I just struggle with eating too much of the right and the wrong things))

But this episode of sickness has lead her to quit smoking.. and I believe it really has scared her. She'd been telling Dr's since she'd quit that she was surely not going to die young by re taking up the smoking habit. But.. now she realizes that she could die a very very miserable death being unable to get her breath!

Martha

Her Dr. told us that the Cat Scan shows a 2cm spot in the upper portion of her right lung. And some sort of concern over the lymph nodes near the heart on that side. They cannot be sure until after a needle biopsy next Monday as to weather or not it is cancer and if so what kind. The Dr. did tell us that this is of course the concern. He mostly treats geriatric patients and is aquatinted with many older folks desires not to have extreme treatment to deal with cancers. But

he encouraged us to not deal with these decisions until after the next step of getting the pathology report after the biopsy.

So that is the situation. My Mom told my sister and brother today. She has as good of an attitude as one can right now.

I know you are praying.. and this is the most important thing.

I am clinging to the faithfulness of God.. and relying on how great the Father's love for her is. And praying that she has a spiritual breakthrough and knows the truth.

I'm thankful that during the past year or so ... our relationship has greatly improved after the difficult times surrounding my Father's illness etc. God's perfect timing.. and Oh how He loves you and I.

Thank you thank you.. I will update as we know more.

Martha

I am always amazed how someone could really honestly think that there is nothing after this life. She seems to have no fear. WOW

But.. I also see her softening and know that our Lord loves her so very much more than I.. and He is in control and His mercies are new every morning!

Love you

Martha

This update also contains a testimony that I shared about ministering to a lady who was an old family friend and dying herself.  It is a Word document titled Spirit Leads.. you'll have to download it!

Jane.. don't know if you are in town yet or not.. I took Mom for a lung biopsy of her lung today.. spot found on chest x ray and cat scan last week. She is actually feeling better.. (quit smoking).. yet she is off and on very weak and rather unstable on her feet. No appetite etc...

I know you are praying.. I am thankful that God put you in her life..

Here is a testimony I sent out the other day.. Don't know if I included you and I should have it is long.. but this is an old aquaintance of Moms and the family. I hear that she went in a coma after I stopped by and has not spoken since.. please pray for this woman.

Love Martha

Click here to download:

Spirit Leads.doc (41 KB)

(download)

Click here to download:

Spirit Leads.doc (41 KB)

Also.. I wanted to update you on the situation with the lady that God sent me to visit Thursday of last week.  My future daughter in law (I will refer to her as Michelle from now on) told me that when I saw Ruth on Thursday that after that she went into a coma and has not spoken or been roused since... WOW the timing of God..she was fully alert when I was speaking with her!  The hospice folks thought that she would not make it through the weekend.. but now it is already Wednesday.  So as I told her daughters.. only God knows the number of our days. Amen.. and she is not beyond healing physically as well as spiritually. So please keep praying for Ruth and all those who are affected by her.

And my Mother has still not heard about her biopsy.  All went well with it on Monday.  And Mother has been able to convince me that she is not upset no matter what the outcome of this biopsy.  (yet bless her heart.. she did not leave her phone yesterday in anticipation of the call with results)  She called right before her Dr.s office closed yesterday and they told her that they often did not receive the results until the 2nd day after the biopsy, and they did not have them yesterday.  They felt sure that they would have them today and would call her immediately.  I did not want to bother her this am.. so I waited until a few minutes ago and she did not answer her phone.  So.. just pray.  I was really happy to see that she had read the Charles Colson book "Born Again" that I'd left with her.  (my aunt made a point to bring that book by my house years ago to tell me that it had been the first "Christian" book that she'd read that she felt was authentic...my Mother loved her sister and I had two copies and as if she would like to read one and she said yes.. we went by a day later and it was on her chair nearly completed)  Now I need to read it again and see how clearly the gospel is presented.  I know God's Word does not return void.. so I will count this joy.  And sister Jane is back in town.. and ministering to my Mother again. Isn't it beautiful.  I am also being ministered to.. because there was a time in my Christian walk that I may have not considered any Catholic nun to be my sister in Christ.. and now I see this woman who is most certainly my sister in Christ Jesus and she is also a Catholic nun.  God is so good!!!!

Today I happened onto a movie on TBN titled "Perfect Stranger". I had taped it by accident.. and it was so absolutely wonderful that I wanted to recommend it to you if you have not seen it. I am going to check the website about purchasing it.. WOW it was good!  A very beautiful way to present the person of Jesus to an unbelieving world!  http://www.perfectstrangermovie.com

I would like prayer regarding a conference that Tommy and I have gotten a scholarship to attend in Nashville on Saturday May 19th.  This is a regional conference put on by the trigeminal neuralgia association.  The Surgeon who preformed my MVD will be one of the speakers.  I'd put off looking into motel rooms and have suddenly found that the conference rate is nearly $200 per night!!  Even with the financial aide to attend the conference... there is no way we could afford the motel.  Because the conference begins very early on a Saturday and lasts into the evening, we would be looking at two  nights.  Here is my prayer... That I could find the name of the woman who helped us get a friend/family rate at the Fairfield Inn during my trips to Nashville for the surgery etc.

I feel confident that she would be glad to help again if she could (there is apparently a big dental conference the same weekend.. so special rates may not apply)... but she was the daughter of an acquaintance of my Mothers... Mom would prefer that we did not go through the Mother as Mom hasn't been in touch with her recently.  Yet Mom does not mind our going directly to the daughter again.. BUT I threw away all the papers that surrounded my surgery besides the actual Dr's reports etc.  I have her name.. and have been searching it.. but have yet to get her number.  Would you please pray that I can come across it.  If this is God's will... He will provide a way.  If not I will trust that He has different plans.

Tomorrow again (unless they call Tommy in early) I may not be attending prayer time :(.  He has been working really late hours recently and I feel I should be here before he goes in.  Once school is out he will be back into his early 6:00 am schedule and it will be much easier for me to come. But if I can.. I will because I miss you all whenever I cannot be there.

Hope to see some of you on Sunday afternoon!!!

And here is an update from my friend CG  that I have continued to ask for prayer for:

I  talked to the dr. that did the procedure Monday and he said in comparing this image with the one in 2003 it showed that there isn't much difference so the scarring isn't significantly progressing. However, he wants me to have a CT scan of my liver again since the numbers (I'm not sure what numbers he means but I'm assuming the tumor markers) are a little high and the MRI didn't give a good enough picture of the liver tissue; they were focusing on the bile duct. He said the MRI is a PRETTY good study, but the CT scan would tell them more. He said he has seen numbers elevated before and nothing was wrong and he's seen cancer when the numbers didn't show as being high, so he said not to worry too much. They just want to make sure. Here we go again. I think I'd better stop sending so many updates and just compile them all in one big letter. Just thought I would tell you the latest saga.

If I find out anything significantly new before the CT scan I will let you know. Thanks for your prayers and e-mail - they mean a lot.

Thanks for your prayers.. and I will let you know when I find TG's contact info .. and when Mom gets her results.  

Mom finally got the call regarding her biopsy.. and the Dr. wants to see her at 3:30. I will be taking her.. My brother says that he will also be there.

I appreciate your prayers

Martha

I am indeed missing each of you so very much. There are so may dear people that God allows in to our lives at one point of another who just mean way beyond what we tend to realize. I miss getting to know each of you on a more intimate level. Sharing things in the faith that encourage each of us to strive more diligently towards the prize of the high calling in Christ Jesus. And I often wonder just how we can maintain such an intensity deep level of fellowship with people that we might only see occasionally? But in the Lord we can.. for what is impossible with man is indeed possible with God.

Issues going on: My Mothers stage 3a lung cancer. She is 85 and not a believer! This is sad. But I do not loose heart, because I know that my Lord loves her so much more than I even know how to love. And if my heart aches to see her saved.... how much more does God desire her? He has placed more than one person into her journey who are greatly being used by Him. And I am so grateful.

Mother and I really only began healing in our relationship around the time of my brain surgery. Because she was so very supportive of my being able to accomplish this. She went with us to appointments. And again for the surgery its self and the near week after wards that I was hospitalized. She for the first time that I had witnessed showed great compassion and concern. It was a healing time after having endured some pretty injuring times during the years my FAther declined and ultimately died. But I've been able to forgive her and accept the things about her that are a treat. And we have had some good great-grandmother GrandMother Mother time while taking Breanna to dance lessons this year. (that was the best birthday gift that Mom gave to Breanna.. the dance lessons. they give and keep giving all year. Mrs Kay is great.. and the best thing is that we decided right away that we would make this an outting that we enjoyed together. So this has been healing time as well.. and a time for Breanna to have built some of a relationship with her Great Grand Mother. Some memories too I hope. Mom is swiftly showing signs of decline. Her energy level has been the most noticeable thing! During the past month she has gone from begin able to attend exercise classes three times a week.. and then a couple of community involvement get togethers at her apt complex... besides weekly volunteer work at either the Tri State Multiple Sclerosis Association.. or working at the Red Cross stuffing envelopes. Besides this she has a group of friends that she plays poker with and they go out and eat and see a movie weekly.. this was in between making errands to shop.. visit her family.. I was always amazed. (oh yes and lunch out nearly every day after the exercise class before what ever afternoon volunteer work she had committed herself to.

But now.. if she goes to exercise class... she is unable to do much more than the flexibility part. She cannot do the aerobic at all.

She cannot go to exercise and then do anything else in that day.

Cleaning her house has become more of a chore than she can handle. (I am helping there.. ha me one of the worst organized persons lOL)

Grocery shopping has found her broken out in a sweat... sitting telling the store people that she would be all right.

And hours upon hours on her sofa. Often declines the things she loved to do the most.

She chose as most of you know to decline treatment. At her advanced age.. she says that she does not want to prolong something that will ultimately happen. And that the treatments for her type of cancer that are availabe for someone who is dealing with the state of inoperable cancer that she is.. well these treatments don't offer her very encouraging odds of really doing anything but postponing the or she would say prolonging the inevitable. Her Doctors have supported her decision whole heartily. Keep in mind that her situation is different form most due to multiple things.

Anyway I am trying to spend as much time as I can with her. We have ask her to move in.. but she does not yet feel this is what she needs to do. She is still driving.. but not as much and I pray that she makes her own decision to begin stopping soon.

Just pray for her.

Also I am trying to keep up as best as I can with my commitments to the TriStateMS association.... not spending as much time in the office but working from home to keep the E-minders coming out and to be availabe for the newly diagnosed MSer's who are so desperate for someone just to talk with.

We got our son married off... and the occasion was precious.

I have continued off and on to struggle with some bladder difficulties.. saying that because I often have been ill with fever from what ever goes on in my bladder consistant with the MS. I am in the process of looking for a urologist who speicalizes in bladder diffuculties in MS.. don't know if I will find one handly or not. I am drinking more water than I have since my days as a personal trainer and racewalker!! I'vd love this alone to help keep me flushed enough as to not have infections.

My other big drawback has been more than usual (for me) episodes of fairly incapacitating migraines! Normally I can take a zomig or maxalt and get relief... but recently I have had entire days pretty much blotted out from any ministry or fellowship due to these buggers. The pain is not excruceating like that of the monster trigeminal neuralgia... but the lingering ill effects of uncomfortable pain in ones head.. where noise... light... even reading worsens the perception.. well it is not good. pray about that

I'd gotten pretty regular on my exercise regiume on the eliptical trainer I was given. But sadly it was moved to the garage until after the wedding (so the bride & her father could get through the office easily) and it was left in the garage until the carpet is laid..(which we'd hoped would be in late June and will now be early next week).....So I am missing my exercise until then. O.... on cooler evenings (yes we had some for a couple of weeks not long ago).... i was able to ride my bike in the neighborhood.. but not to really get my heart rate up.

I sort of feel that the consistancy I long for in sheduling my life.. is nearly impossible. Things always happen that cause me to have to move off track. One of these things is getting with you sisters regularly for prayer. And another is exercising consistantly.

John M (the fellow from my church) has had a return of his brain cancer. My heart has been to keep organized a time when our church doors are opened during the week ( remember I go to a tiny church ... big building tiny church.. pd employees) for an after noon of focused prayer on his behalf. So this has been Wednesday's.

And then there is the blazing heat. I am not doing well in it. Cannot safetly drive the car for several minutes after over heating. My vision is blurred... my cognition is dimmed.

So I must sit in the car while I get cooled down.. and this is not good when ozone warnings are in alert. I would like a remote car starter so I could keep the car locked while remotely starting it and getting it some cooled down. But for the most part I am home more.... making trips to the store in the mornings or evenings. I love the farmers market downtown.. but have not been able to go this year due to the heat issues.

Please be praying for my Mom
Please be praying for Dr. J M from my church who has brain cancer!
Please be praying for my sensitivity to God and knowing exactly what he has for each day and how I can best serve Him. Pray for consistancy for me please.
Pray for my precious and dear husband who is again smoking.. and I know he wants to quit.
Pray for healing for me and wisdom to know the right medical choices to make.
Pray again for a piano to find its way into our home... as my baby grand (neighbor's piano that she allowed me to go over and use as my own... has sold her house and will be moving within 3 weeks) I've not grown much with my piano playing.. but I so enjoy it.. I have a great teacher/sister who encourages me even when I am sure I do not desreve it. But I honestly feel that once I am allowed to own a piano.. and have it in my home... practice will come more regularly... and progress will be made. My inital goal in this was for cognititve challenge. But I have grown to really appreciate the diversity of understanding involved in music. Learning to read it.. to play it.. the math in volved and the beauty that comes when one can sit and play like worship unto Jesus.. Him even giving the words. So although I may never play a song that will move others.. just learning and the hope that I will someday be able to worship Him with my Granddaughter and some praise music thrills me.

Pray too for our little church.. (big building..little church) which needs to sell. We are no longer in the position to keep this old building up in the inner city. There are too few of us.

I miss you each and every one. Lesa.. you and the twins.. too. Call me.

Ramsey..you too.. I want to be your GB so let me know when and what I can do. (haha she says this means gall bladder in her profession.. but something entirely different between us.

praying.. feel free to pass along prayer requests.

Sorry sorry so long..
.

I've lost about 9 lbs on the weight watchers.. I have done well with it before. But it is much slower.. b/c my activity level is drastically less than when I did the program before. I do have an eliptical here.. and am using it regularly.. and hope to add weights and some ab work soon.

I do completely watch what I eat and eat healthy.. (my Mom always did too)... but I figure weight will be something I have to fight forever!

Love ya

Martha

I hate it! My homework is done.. my heart yearns for our time of fellowship.

However my sister who had her hip replaced a month ago... fell down the escalator at Sears yesterday and tonight had to have it replaced again along with some serious surgery to repair her femur that was cracked up by the fall and tumble down the entire escalator.

Anyway .... long past 36 hours.. just got home from the hospital. My Mom is 86 and honestly half of this problem is the need to care for her while she tries to care for my nearly 60 year old sister who is always needy.. but now unable to care for herself.

So... family first sometimes.

I know you will be praying and I sure appreciate it.

Wish one of you had a macbook and could turn on ichat and let me participate from afar.

My Mother was so amazed tonight while in the surgical waiting area we had video chat with my cousin in NYC. No wires.. and we were watching and talking in real time video. How cool..

Love to you all

martha

The only symptom that seems to be changing at any real rate of progression is her lack of strength. She is becoming weaker and less able to keep up the demanding schedule she had always kept.

And with my sister's recent medical crisis's Mom has been really pushing herself beyond what she is able.

Today she fell when trying to get dried off after a shower.

Bless her heart.. she was unable to get herself out of the bathtub (she fell on twisted legs..)

Thankfully she has a first responder call button she wears on her neck at all times. This allows her to call for help if anything happens while she is at home. Ultimately she did have to utilize the service and some firemen from German Township Volunteer fire dept helped her up.

Please be praying.. I feel like her health is going to begin a more rapid decline. And she is yet to respond to the precious mercy of our Lord.

I know he hears our prayers..... The faithful prayer of a righteous man availeth much.

Blessings

Martha

Guess I am taking over for the Friday updates for now!!

My migraine was gone for the weekend.. Monday I noticed it creeping in the background again.

But sweetly my new daughter in law telephoned that day asking when I wanted to schedule my massage!! Wow.. she had given me one the week before.. but I wasn't expecting weekly treatments. However she said that while she has the time she thought I would gain the most benefit by having weekly massage therapy. How awesome.. anyway she found out my headache was bugging me again and had me come by that day. And so far it is not back. MIgraines are something I never encountered b/f all of this ms stuff. They aren't horrific pain, just a non relenting discomfort that interferes with everything one wants to do. Thank God for this precious Michelle.

Here is a recent picture she and Tommy sent me of themselves.. titled "Dinner"

haha funny! Michelle just got a new macbook computer and there is a crazy application called photobooth.. where one can come up with all kinds of crazy pictures.

Tommy prayerfully (big Tom) is having his last cigarette about now. I am praying... and so thankful that he has come to this decision again! There was nothing I could do except pray. Because no amount of bugging could ever get someone to come to the decision to give up something that has such a profound hold on them. So.. answered prayer! But.. of course the most difficult time is coming.... the decision that he will have to make over and over to not have one again. I honestly believe that making the decision to quit is huge.. but it is only the beginning of the process. I am praying for a kind of deliverance.. where this dear man won't have to deal with this monkey on his back over and over! I somehow want it to be easy for him.

I am realizing as I get older how entirely blessed I am to have a man who is so incredibly kind and so loyally committed to me and who loves me so unconditionally. So many people live in bad relationships.. and Teresa (you know).. the only time our relationship has been difficult has been when I've been difficult. My whole desire is to bring joy into this dear man's life. With all the years of PMS and the difficulties that brought.. and then all the years of thinking somehow that Tommy should be someone he isn't.. or that I should be entitled to more somehow, well I am ashamed. Yet not guilt ridden. Because I am just thankful that I realize the gift that Tommy is and can go through the remainder of our days in full appreciation of him.

People are in our lives.. and then so very suddenly they are gone. And I guess with this nearing 50 that I am doing... I realize that there is no time to take anyone or anything for-granted. I am becoming convinced that the most common mistake of mankind besides the neglect of responding to God's divine provisions is to neglect to realize how swiftly this life passes and how quickly one whom we love can be gone.

There are things about Tommy that of course frustrate me. Yet, I am learning that the exact things I complain about are some of the very things that make him so easy to please and so loyal.

Like as he ages... he becomes more and more "set in his ways"... not very willing to extend himself beyond the things he is used to and comfortable with. On one had this attitude would tend to make one stifled from growth. There is surely so very much to experience in this life. Yet, Tommy prefers to deal with what he knows and not venture into new things.

I could drive myself insane considering the potential life losses from just this one attitude of his. Yet... I see the benefit in this. Tommy is truly and genuinely easy to please. His pleasure comes in his counting on very simple things occurring over and over in his life. How easy is that? Many women have to continue to make things new to please their husbands. And I only have to take joy in offering Tommy comfort in very simple and re occurring things. It would not matter to him if I ever prepared a new dish, he is easily satisfied.

And I on the other hand want to experience people.. new activities.. new foods etc. But this is something I can accomplish simply enough by involving myself in interesting groups of people on my own time during the week etc. Rather than spending our time together complaining that he is "stuck in his ways". I can enjoy the simplicity in serving him.

This has taken me some time.. but I am so grateful to be figuring this out. I am blessed.

There are a couple of women in a couple of small groups I am in that have lost their husbands. Teresa I cannot imagine.. how quickly everything I've taken for-granted could be gone and never to be returned in this life.

Hope this long rambling doesn't upset you girl. Because I know you are in an entirely different situation. Having lived with Karl and his alcoholism for all those decades. This disease that Karl chooses to live with is not something that you can find the "good parts" about and live with. I hate this but it is true. And because of your years of endurance .. I think you realized that you were no longer in love with Karl. That is a huge difference. And your life is flying by too.. and you wanted to find some happiness and my prayer is that you will.

Okay... enough of the philosophical words.

It is Friday.. .. what are your plans?

We don't have any inparticular. Tommy has been working tons of extra hours.. and for him just to be around the house and watch some races and see his precious little Granddaughter will make him happy.

Once a month after church we share a carry in meal and this Sunday includes that. So hopefully we will go.

And there is a lady with MS whom I haven't met yet who won a computer from the brighter tomorrow grant.. and some how I was recruited to help her get it hooked up when it came. But now that she has my number.. I am finding out how needy she is. She now needs help putting a desk together that she bought for the computer. And... I haven't even ask Tommy yet. But volunteered him to put the desk together. Hope he will desire to. I am afraid already that she is exceptionally needy and without a support system here beyond the local MS association. I may have to put her back to them for help after getting the computer hooked up for her. I've got Mom who is becoming more and more needy.. and I have MJ who is becoming more needy. MJ had her hip replaced and then soon fell down the escilator at Sears and had to have it re done completely plus cracked her femur bone and had to have that repaired.. she is in rehab right now but will be going home tomorrow.

Mom was getting out of the shower Sunday.. had one foot up on the side of her tub to dry it and lost her balance and fell into the tub..... she ultimately had to push the emergency responder button that she thankfully wears around her neck and have the volunteer fire dept come and get her out of the tub. She is not a modest person thank God. In fact I've heard her tease people saying that this is how an 86 year old woman can draw handsome young men into her home. :)

Well.. enough for now.. I'll attach a couple of pictures.

Love you

Martha

This is my friend Tim.. we got our iphones on the same day.. but I thought you might like a recent picture of me. I am looking for one of Tommy and realize that I must get busy and take some!!!

We called Dr S's office.. (not thinking that there was anything they could do at this point.. but really wanting a better understanding of the process of this cancer and how this fatigue is related etc)

They finally called back and said that Dr S felt it was time for us to be in hospice care so that we'd have folks who could discuss the progress of the cancer with us and help with needs Mom has. We both feel fine about this.. however we hope this hospice group (the one Dr S is the medical director for) is a good one. Mom had toured the VNA one downtown previously and her hope had been to go there once she was too ill to remain home.

And we have pretty much emptied out our back bedroom ready for her to move in if she would like.... so she has plenty of options.

She is in no pain.. and sadly she has no fear (her words) regarding what lies ahead.. (of course I only would her to question eternity .. not be afraid.. unless her fear lead her to the knowledge of the saving grace of our Lord Jesus)

So.... pray please continually with me sister... I very very much appreciate you.

I will ask the nurse tomorrow about the calicum test .. etc.

I am praying for you to be well.. and for you to get rest while you are recovering.. that you might find refreshment during this time. He is able to minister such grace when we are weak!! And healing.. and healing.

Love you dearly

Martha

Thanks Sue.. I really hope I can come..

My Mom has been doing poorly.. but some days better than others.. we've been advised to call in hospice and have met with them during the past couple of days. But I am not sure if her weakness is due to the cancer or what, doesn't matter though.. the fact that she is becoming too weak to get along on her own is enough reason for help.

Please continue to pray for her salvation.. she still says that she faces this (death) without fear! That is sad to me.

Love you

Martha

Yep... missing you too. Very very busy though. We got involved with hospice yesterday for Mom.. she is just so weak. Honestly we've not gotten the opinion from anyone that this is due to the cancer... but yesterday when I called the Dr he recommended that we get in touch with hospice.. his nurse called them.. but it seems like something else could be the problem. Either way it is becoming dangerous for her to be alone..she falls.. no balance or strength in her legs.... This has been pretty sudden.

My sister is honestly doing pretty well.. she is home now.. she has a live in fellow and several friends who are helping her along with Physical therapy and other in home health care folks. I've brought her f ood often..a nd call her pretty much daily

Thankfully my health is stable right now... And I am so thankful.. so thankful.

Soon so soon I hope we can catch up. I've only been to sonshine group a few times. Too hot in the summer.. something was always keeping me away.. then it got too dark this fall..... (can't see well to drive in the dark).. so awaiting the time change.

Anyway.. anxious to hear all about you. Thank you for e-mailing.. I love you.. attaching a couple of pictures of our Breanna... and here is a link to a sweet video with Breanna and her very talented Phil Keaggy wannabe Papaw:

(download)

Click here to download:

Movie.mov (16.46 MB)

Mom is not doing well.. They've called in hospice and the nurse and social worker are due in today. She does not seem near death to me.. but she has become extremely weak.. unable to walk without a walker.. falls so easily.. something is wrong. I've been with her all week.

Pray .. she says that she faces this prognosis of death with no fear.. and she does not believe in the Lord.. she believes that once she dies it is over! This causes me anguish. Thanks..

Have a great meeting..

I am praying for you

Martha

Mom is in the hospital.... she had to use her emergency responder button again in the middle of the night because she was unable to get out of bed. She honestly only experiences the symptoms of profound leg weakness and unsteady (very unsteady) gait.

I was with her last week nearly all week and her biggest issues are profound weakness in her legs and difficulty walking. (I am not knowledgeable enough to know how these symptoms connect to a lung cancer diagnosis, but Dee K and another wise medical person told me that there are syndromes common with her kind of cancer where the electrolytes particularly calcium become way out of whack and can cause these exact symptoms. She has no pain.. and no difficulties breathing except her breaths are shallow and become labored with any type of movement.

Mom told the hospice worker that she was fully aware of the severity of her prognosis and was facing this fact that she is going to die completely without fear.

And Mom believes that once this life is over.... everything just ceases to exist and that is the end.

Pray for her... Pray for Grace... And for wisdom for us all,

Blessings

Martha

They have found a tumor in Mom's brain. This is very common with her type of lung cancer. I believe she will remain in the hospital today and then move to our home... (most likely) with hospice care tomorrow.

Thanks for praying.

Martha

She finally made the decision to change hospice providers to go to the VNA hospice on Walnut that has in- patient care. Mom really did not feel good about coming here to stay as she does not want to be a burden for any of us.

She will look forward to visitors and will be likely moving into the hospice tomorrow or Wednesday.

Please keep her in your prayers as well.

I was blessed beyond imagining today when her maintenance man at her apartments told me how he has been burdened for her and how he was able to witness to her and minister to her as of Friday. God is so good.. Our prayers are being heard!

Blessings

Martha

I visited Martha's mom in the hospital--she is the happiest, most content, most matter-of-fact cancer patient approaching hospice I have about ever seen. Of course, she and her new doctor are both atheists who believe that this life is all there is, so enjoy it to the max and don't prolong a thing--BUT she truly does need the Lord--and if not just yet, she will need Him soon-

Please join me in praying that God will reveal Himself and the Lord Jesus in ways that are known only to Him and are unique to her--she has had several standard Christian approaches and deflected them all--so it will have to be a God thing with a God appointment--I doubt that it will be any of us who gets to lead her to the Lord--BUT we can pray the plans of the Lord into place, sending humans and angels to bring about His message, including dreams and visions--a vision of Heaven in all it's glories with an invitation to join the party and her hubby (who met the Lord just before his passing)--that might be an idea to pray about.

Thanks for your faithfulness in prayers--

I visited Martha's mom in the hospital--she is the happiest, most content, most matter-of-fact cancer patient approaching hospice I have about ever seen. Of course, she and her new doctor are both atheists who believe that this life is all there is, so enjoy it to the max and don't prolong a thing--BUT she truly does need the Lord--and if not just yet, she will need Him soon-

Please join me in praying that God will reveal Himself and the Lord Jesus in ways that are known only to Him and are unique to her--she has had several standard Christian approaches and deflected them all--so it will have to be a God thing with a God appointment--I doubt that it will be any of us who gets to lead her to the Lord--BUT we can pray the plans of the Lord into place, sending humans and angels to bring about His message, including dreams and visions--a vision of Heaven in all it's glories with an invitation to join the party and her hubby (who met the Lord just before his passing)--that might be an idea to pray about.

Thanks for your faithfulness in prayers--

Dee

Wow.. she says it well doesn't she?

Love

Martha

She will come home tomorrow to her apartment. (if the Lord allows)

I will pretty much move in with her.. and the VNA in home hospice will be helping me out.. along others that I will recruit as I see exactly what our needs will be.

God has ministered to me regarding this upcoming time with Mom.. here is how I explained it to another sister:

"I know you are praying for a break through and this is what I so fervently desire in Jesus.. and guess what? I know He hears and already is answering! This time I will be with Mother.. He has shown me.. is very very sacred.

Because Mother's blinded flesh cannot receive God's Word. He has shown me that He will be "fleshing out" or making manifest His Word in my body towards Mother while I allow Him to touch her through the works I allow Him to accomplish through my being. Like every time I minister to her in action.. in His name.. He will be ministering to her in the anointing power of His Spirit! How very humbled I am that He would choose this broken vessel to pour out heavenly splendor!

I am excited to see just what He will do!

I am reminded of the time in Acts when Paul told the jailor that if he believed on the Lord Jesus Christ... he and his entire household would be saved. My precious Jesus knows that my Mother is part of my household! Oh He is faithful! Our faith will increase as we see Him answer all of our prayers so beautifully."

So this is the plan..

You dear friends are the people I am entrusting this specific prayer request to: Lord Jesus.. please in Your mercy.. and Your grace .. allow my Mother to see You for who You are! Reveal to her Yourself, Your plan for her eternity, Your long suffering and patience towards her. Oh God.. only by Your Spirit can man even desire to seek You. Please draw her in with Your rapturous Love! Praise You Lord for You aren't willing that any should perish.. but that all should receive everlasting life! Have Your way O God!! We bind satan and his ability to blind Bettye's eyes any longer. Oh Lord.. a miracle we await! Exceeding abundantly beyond all we could ever ask or think! Holy Holy Holy

We praise YOU forever!

martha

Hey Ramsey.... you will be proud.. I set up a wireless network at Mom's today in like 15 minutes.. no problems.. all by myself!

Now will you share the rest of this e-mail with my Sonshine sisters?

I know you sisters are praying for a break through and this is what I so fervently desire in Jesus.. and guess what? I know He hears and already is answering! This time I will be with Mother.. He has shown me.. is very very sacred.

Because Mother's blinded flesh cannot receive God's Word. He has shown me that He will be "fleshing out" or making manifest His Word in my body towards Mother while I allow Him to touch her through the works I allow Him to accomplish through my being. Like every time I minister to her in action.. in His name.. He will be ministering to her in the anointing power of His Spirit! How very humbled I am that He would choose this broken vessel to pour out heavenly splendor!

I am excited to see just what He will do!

I am reminded of the time in Acts when Paul told the jailor that if he believed on the Lord Jesus Christ... he and his entire household would be saved. My precious Jesus knows that my Mother is part of my household! Oh He is faithful! Our faith will increase as we see Him answer all of our prayers so beautifully.

Love to you all

Martha

We are settled in at Moms!

Doing very well.

I picked up one of those new pizza's from by here where they make it and you bake it. VERY good.. WAY TOO MUCH! We have some to share!

Mom's set up with the hospital bed is just fine.

Her attitude is awesome.

The Dr's office called me today in answer to our (Mom & mine) questions:

1 How long might we see the benefit from these steroids (she is tons better than last week)?

2 How long does he suspose that Mom might be able to stay home?

3 How long would he guess Mom might have to live?

The nurse said she had written my questions on a slip of paper... and he wrote this on the bottom:

"2-4 weeks at home"

Wow.. seems unreal. As the hospice nurse today said that they don't want to get folks into the in house hospice until the final week or two of life.

But last night I googles NSCLC with brain mets prognosis. And it said with no treatment 1+1/2 months! And with aggressive treatment not much longer at all.

So we are to enjoy this great time of steroid increased strength and tumor shrinkage! I know you dear ladies will help.

Mom still wants to laugh.. and get out etc etc.

We want to borrow the traveling wheelchair you've offered. Hospice brought a huge one.. but Mom thinks she'd like to have the traveling one.

Thanks

hey I meant to call you today... and the time went so quickly... we got here (Mom's) around 11:00 and the fellow to admit us to VNA hospice was here at 11:30 .. he didn't leave until noon and then Mom needed to shower.. then well.. the day went pretty quickly

YOu are always welcome here. ALWAYS and yes I will be needing times to go and do things at my home.

Believe it or not the Dr told me today 2-4 weeks at home and then they don't expect her to live 1-2 weeks after that at the most. That is six weeks.... unreal.

Do pray.. because the fact that she is not a believer in the Lord is my most pressing concern. Only God can draw her.... and I am trusting that He will do just that!

It is a complete blessing to be able to be apart of this final part of her life. She seems so well since the steroids.... but they say this is temporary. She is tons better than last week.

Well thanks phyllis.. you know I love you like a sister and I am thrilled to be so close to your house.. surely we will see each other more often.

Remember you are welcome here anytime!!! Mom loves company

Bye for now

Martha

I enjoyed visiting with you so much tonight. Thank you for taking time out of your busy schedule to minister God's love to Mom.

Hey after you left.. Mom went on about what an interesting person you were. And I said .. "yes, I would love to know more about her... and Mother said that you'd been a singer in theater before joining the convent out of high school... and I said "well next time maybe testimony night should be Jane's" And Mom said.. "yes.. I'd like to hear her story"!!

So.. you are "it"... anytime.. we'd both love to learn more about you.. with an open invitation to minister.

Mom's friend Jean Ann. .. had tears in her eyes earlier today.. telling me that she was so incredibly worried (along with her friends) about Mom's approaching death without faith. And she said that she had told her friends that surely because of the fact that Mom is such a good person God will accept her. I reminded her that we aren't accepted on our works.. that even our best works are but filthy rags in comparison to our Glorious God. And she teared up... then I told her to keep praying.. with all these people who are burdened.. for our God hears our prayers.. and that I am 100% confident that this time is complete "grace" towards my Mom and that I am believing that He is not willing any should perish but that all should receive everlasting life.

So many.. so many have told me of their burden for Mom. I had no idea that this entire complex is made up of believing people! God is so good.........

Have a wonderful night.. I am so very very thankful for the sweet fellowship we share.

Blessings..

And please I pray don't be offended by my lack of understanding regarding the Catholic church. Know that I rejoice in our shared kinship!

Love you forever

martha

I have wanted to write you all to give my overwhelming thanks for all the wonderful birthday cards I got from nearly everybody. So very very precious! Thank them all for me... I am so excited to be a part of such a group of sisters.

I want to write a long email and explain how things are going... (like all the neighbors who come by ministering .. concerned not about Mom dying.. but her doing so without belief in God)

She is standing firm on her responses to them all.. saying that she is not one who can rely on faith... but needs proof.. and has not seen any as of yet!!

But sister Jane came by two nights ago and ended up eating dinner with us.. she had me share my testimony.. which Mom has never heard!!

Wow..

In some ways it seems impossible that my Mom who sits and talks with me will likely not be here any longer in such a short time...

I can't comprehend it.. however I think of like Dave Diehm who was just cutting grass on vacation and suddenly was gone.

And I am overjoyed seeing the grace and love of God towards Mom by allowing her life to continue with the knowledge that death is around the corner. How He loves you and I.

She is eating.. and can sit up at the table and converse nicely with folks. But .. once she moves around and uses the walker to move across the apt.. she is exhausted so quickly. She does so labor for breath when she does any sort of activity. She is weaker honestly in many ways by the day.

Like the VNA came Friday for helping with her shower.. that really exhausts her even with the shower stool. And they were due to come today.. the nurse came.. but the shower person did not work out... They called.. and said she had not been assigned a regular person yet.. but that they would send someone. So Mom was content to stay in her pjs .. she felt it would be too much effort to get dressed and then shower and dress again.

But they did not come.. and by this evening.. she mentioned that it has been since Friday.. but would not let me help her re dress or shower. because she says she has brushed her teeth and really doesn't have the strength.

I know we are still being worked into the system regarding the hospice. They are wonderful.. plus this being a holiday may have messed things up. She doesn't yet have the regular nurse or home health aide that she will have assigned to her. It will all work out.

But her Dr said that she may just be home for 2-3 (was 4) weeks and then hospice in patient is only for 1-2 weeks at most they said.

She is not bed ridden by any means. But she naps after breakfast.. before lunch.. after lunch.. and, I am definitely seeing the decline.

Food for Tommy food for us.. all is welcome. For now I've been cooking.. and today a lady brought some soup. Tommy has mostly been eating out.. tonight (since he was off today) he came out to eat with us. He is happy getting food out b/c he always brought his lunch to work and never ate out.. so this is no burden for him right now.

Things may get worse quickly... for now my cooking hasn't been a big deal. Mom eats anything.. and Tommy normally doesn't.. so I've been cooking pastas and salads.. and girls stuff.. but I've noticed that Mom is eating the old fashined things like I cooked tommy tonight.. pork chops and potatoes in the crock pot.

I may (may one day at a time) be able to work out coming friday. Where will it be again? IF it works.. Mom's dear neighbor sister Jane said she could come early (she wants me not to miss my Bible study) and then Mom has a friend Jane Ann who can come by before noon and stay awhile. I would likely not do lunch.. but at least the meeting.. that would be so awesome.. but one day at a time.

You sisters are of course always welcome to visit. Mom wants me to have a life too!! :) The ladies at the Tri STate MS where Mom has always volunteered have been by.. and they are expecting her to come stuff envelopes (they know she won't stuff.. just want to visit with her..) Mom thinks in advance that she wants to do things.. but when it comes to it she doesn't.

Tomorrow for instance she is hoping to go to Breanna's dance class with me and Breanna. (we haven't been in nearly a month.. Breanna's Mom has been taking her) I normally watch Breanna on Tuesdays the dance class and then keep her until her Mom gets off her bus route..

I had Tommy telll Tony and Laura that even though our plan is to take Breanna.. last minute may find that we don't. I will still have her for the afternoon here with Mom.

Okay.. I am writing a book..

Just appreciate every ones concern so much.

Miss my Wednesday Bethel group and church prayer group too. But.. as I said earlier.. this is sacred time.

Blessings

(you won't likely check in again with me will you?? haha.. unless you were ready to read a book)

Martha

Yet her strength is definitely becoming an issue. She seems pretty fine when sitting at the table talking with folks.. but once they leave.. she is very hard pressed to make it across the room with the walker.

Today she said two separate times that it is just becoming too physically exhausting (the other time she said it is becoming too hard) to just live.

We waited for the hospice home health aide to come help her shower today. The nurse came (loved her).. but the home health aide did not. Mom did not want to dress until after the shower as it is too much work. Then when she did not come.. I tried to coax Mom into letting me help her as I had last week (she hasn't showered since Friday).. but she insisted that she isn't getting dirty (which she isn't) and was okay to wait...

We've talked about her going to Breanna's dance class tommorrow. Mom hasn't been in 5 + weeks.. and she really would like to go.. I want her to go too.. But I have a suspicion
that she won't be able to.. however I am going to try as hard as I can to make it happen if this is what she'd still like tomorrow.

My brother did get her to his house yesterday evening for dinner.. and she loved it. But has been very very fatigued today.

So.. just a little heads up that she is getting weaker..

Tonight she said that she thinks her blood pressure or a heart attack could take her anytime. And then she said.. I am tired and even becoming rather interested in seeing just what is on the other side!

Things seem fast. I can't believe how ... one minute I see her sitting talking to you on the phone.. or to someone else and can't believe that she is this sick. But she is.

Love you guys

You wanted to be kept informed..

Martha

Message sent via Switching Granny's iPhone!

Mom says again. ."I'd like to know why... straight out of high school she became a nun"

Loving it

Martha

Last night she was very very tired and weak. She told me that she could go at any time... she said.. " this is not a bad thing.. think of the suffering I'd be spared" Then she said " I am honestly becoming rather interested to see just what lies ahead". Of course I told her that I really really do not want her to go to find out.. until she knows! Then I shared this:

I told her that the night before I'd been rather hesitant to take her the 12:00 am (no longer doing this at that hour) medication because I suddenly became concerned that she could really not be alive at that point. I told her that I prayed and ask God to give me strength and not to let her die in darkness.

Then I found comfort from Him with this verse: I am the Light of the World.. I had the thought of a very dark cellar! Completely! Yet when one match is lit.. the darkness is overcome with light. He reminded me that light always consumes darkness. Never the opposite. So I was able to enter her room fully aware of His presence and the knowledge of the fact that He dwells in me.. thus He walked into her room and what ever I found in there.. He was there!

Oh how I pray she is going to have those blinders removed from her eyes. The prayers of the saints are not in vain.

Love

Martha

I am staying with her until she becomes ill enough for in patient hospice. (My husband realizes as well as I that this is sacred time.. ) The Dr suggests 1-3 more weeks at home before a 1-2 week stay at hospice. Meaning they expect this to go very fast. We've known about the lung cancer since April. But she choose not to have treatment.. and stayed very well until quite recently when her strength failed very quickly along with her ability to walk w/o assistance. We found out last Monday that the cancer has spread to her brain.. and last Thursday when I moved in with her.

Anyway.. I am asking for folks to pray... many friends of hers stop by and express their concern... not at her dying.. but at the fact that she does not believe in God.

I am praying for a break through..

The Lord has called me to minister to her in complete servanthood.. allowing Him to love her through my actions...

I appreciate your prayers.

How are you??

Martha

We need a spiritual break through. She is a tough nut to crack. Good news is I am not responsible to crack her.. the Love of our Lord will prevail.

I so covet the prayers.. As I am confident that the fervent prayers of a righteous man avails much!!

I am also praying for your daughter's up coming missionary trip.

Blessings..

Knowing that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him,

Martha

Mom is weak but by looking one can't believe that she could likely be gone in 4 weeks!

I am honestly coveting the prayers of the saints; because I am confident that the fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much.

We are in need of a spiritual break through! Big time

I am thankfully doing pretty well.

God knew before I did about this present ministry way before I volunteered. And when He calls - He equips.

Please keep I'd covered.

I so miss my Sonshine sisters!

Since you have joined me in this ministry of prayer regarding my Mother's physical and spiritual illness, I thought I should update you regarding her condition and our prayer needs.

Thank you... and Praise the Lord Jesus Christ who is not willing any should perish, but that all should receive eternal life! He is so good. To think He would grant such grace and long patience towards us who are so undeserving of His gift! The word "Compassion" surely was discovered while trying to describe His nature and mercies!

Mother is not in pain. (she has mentioned some very quick sharp pain in her head at intervals.. but not often or anything she feels is hardly worth mentioning recently) When seated Mom can carry on a conversation and enjoy visits with folks. She is complaining of "lost words" in conversation, but seems to be cognitively pretty sharp. Her biggest symptom is profound weakness with any sort of physical activity. To just get dressed (with help) is completely exhausting to her. She becomes breathless from pushing her walker across the room. And the reason she is using the walker is that she feels so weak particularly in her legs and because her equilibrium is virtually non- existent. She also is napping several times a day. The steroid medications she is taking have been a huge help in allowing her the strength to move about and return to a better neuro status... however we've been told that this anti inflammation bonus will be short lived and not prolong her life.

So these physical things aren't in any way beyond coping. With help she is enjoying even some trips out. We went to Breanna's dance class on Tuesday and yesterday to the Tri State MS office..(as she has been their #1 volunteer for a long time and very much enjoys being involved with those folks). Mom has had visitors daily. And we have been very grateful for the kindness of friends.

I have been continually rejoicing at the number of friends my Mother has who are very much burdened regarding her status of unbelief. Folks have come daily sharing the good news of Jesus... sharing prayers.. and sharing God's Word.

Mother just patiently tells these people that she does not share their belief in God. That she never has. One thing I have heard her say a number of times is that she has never lived by any kind of faith.. but rather by proof; and that she has not yet seen proof to convince her that God exsists. She tells people that she has enjoyed an extremely good life and has no fear or regrets about this diagnosis. She says that this is a normal part of the life process and that she feels fortunate to have this news in advance and that she is really much happier with a grim prognosis of cancer than the thought of becoming an invalid in a nursing home for years.

Mother knows of my faith. And as of the other night she knows of my entire testimony including the things in my childhood years that began my spiritual search....thanks to Mom's neighbor sister Jane Nesmith who over dinner the other night with Mom, ask me to share my story of becoming a Christian with her. Jane said that Mother was listening intently.

Today I was able to go to my Friday Bible study.. Mother had friends and hospice coming by as well as my sister in law this afternoon. Tomorrow I hope to come home and stay the night with Tommy and remain home for church Sunday.

Please continue your prayers on her behalf. And for me that I will be 100% sensitive and listening to God's direction during this precious time of ministry.

Pray also for my dear Tommy who is sacrificing his own comforts to allow me to be there full time ministering to Mother. ((thanks to those of you who have ministered to Tommy with food gifts.. and to Mother and I.. what a blessing))

I have some pictures.. if you have not yet gotten any via e-mail from this week. Let me know. I do have internet set up at Mom's.

Now unto Him who is able to do exceeding abundantly beyond all we could ever ask or think.. To Him be the glory both now and forever!!

Amen....

Martha

forget about duplicates.. I didn't want to take the time to remove the attachments and then work to pick them out to re attach.

The purpose of this note.. is to say that I am finding my time with Mother to be bitter sweet! so precious that the grace of God has allowed for this opportunity to hold dear this woman who has been my Mother and my friend for my entire life.. closely during her progression towards ill health and ultimately death. I am completely honored for every moment I can share with her.

Yet I would not be human if I did not mention that I ache! Mom aches too! There is such saddness in dying. And I have found this sadness profound when dealing with someone whom I love who have chosen up until this point to not believe in God. Yet I find encouragement in the facts that Mom could have easily been taken from this world on a number of other occasions. Like a year ago when we went to Vanderbilt University Hospital to see my Neuro Surgeon a couple weeks before my MVD. We were involved in a very serious wreck afterwards..and Mom lost consciousness I thought for a moment that we'd lost her.And we could have easily.. but we did not. And the folks involved in the accident with us.. came up immediately to see how she was. When I'd explained that I did not know. and that she was not yet a believer.. these two strangers prayed and prayed for her......((Mom doesn't remember))

But she was spared.
I will trust that her life will be spared until she finds peace with God. Oh that she would see His love for her! Oh that she would proclaim the goodness of the Lord among the living!!

I am thankful to be with this dear woman... and yet crushed at the thought of how quickly the Drs say she may be gone.

Be praying along with us please.
Love you all

Martha

We got you covered, sister. Someone in Thursday morning Sonrise group
is signed up to pray for you every day until such a time that your
mother steps into eternity (into the arms of Jesus I am believing!).

I just would like you to help me know what God has for me to share with Mother while I am her care giver! I don't want to miss out or loose time. Oh by the grace of God.. there I would be on my death journey walking towards this end of life without fear. Only with the faintest expectation that something interesting will happen! I would have been right there... having within myself all I ever thought I'd needed to move in to life and death without fear! But by the grace of God.. I saw some very tough situations that I was unable to put into a box... God box .

But now I find that my God does not fit into a box. He creates the box. He designs the box so that each of us will have the opportunity to follow Him.

How I want to follow. And how more urgently *seems... more urgent,,,,however only He knows*

Pray... and if you see an area where you can inter in to minister direction to me.. or to my Mother.. or to my Husband.. Pleaes share.

We haven't walked this road before. But together.. we can and will

Thank you for caring

Love you

Martrha

Today was such an awesome day for the Lord to do such a work of encouragement.

I don't know if Robin told you.. but this a.m. I told Mom that I had an idea regarding all the books folks have tried to get to her.. (her maintenance man and an old friend from Virginia both sent books regarding belief in God) and she is not reading them. I told her that I know their intentions are wonderful.. but that the Lord had ministered to me that "faith cometh by hearing and hearing by the Word of God".. I ask if I could read just a little scripture to her each day.

And she said NO... Martha I do not believe that.. I never even consider such things.. I do not appreciate people trying to "push their belief's on me.. YOU know that Martha. I will never believe because of what others believe. And btw I would appreciate it if you'd tell your pastor not to come by (he called her last week about coming and she told him she was busy with company).

So then she said "if God wants me... He will get me.. if he doesn't want me then Oh Well".

Initially I was going to be devastated. So sweet our Lord is.. Robin called within minutes about your mission. And then the Lord ministered to me regarding the message I'd sent last night and how I said I was living by faith and not by sight. I sort of felt Him saying "Well are you??"

And immediately I was encouraged.... This is not against flesh and blood!!! This is His Work.. the work that He is best at... I am choosing to "rest" and believe.. and be grateful for this opportunity to serve Him. Thanks for joining me... please feel free to pass this message on to my dear Sonshine sisters. We are in this together.. and HE already has the VICTORY.

Blessings

Martha

She KNOWS that based on the way she has lived her whole life, the answer she
gave you is the one of "integrity." In a strange (but Godly!) way, she is
saying, "It wouldn't be right to live my whole life for myself and then at
the very last minute, switch sides on the far-fetched, infinitesimal
possibility that there actually is a heaven."

And she's right! There's nothing fair or just about that. But you can't
get a more stunning example of God's amazing grace. Just as Jesus told the
thief who hung beside him on the cross, "This day you will be with me in
Paradise," He is ready and willing to say the same to your mother, the
moment she lifts her eyes to Him and says, "Remember me when you come into
your kingdom."

Keep in mind, that only a very short time before he uttered those words of
belief, this very same thief was cursing Jesus right along with the other
thief.

As strange as this may seem, it may be that your mom is not yet close enough
to death. In her mind, it's still just a concept. She's still only
contemplating it. She's not yet actually looking its terrible reality
straight in the face.

Perhaps as her time gets very near, there will be a moment that the Holy
Spirit may prompt you to ask her:

"Mom, suppose you and Dad had started out on a trip to St. Louis. And
suppose when he got to Highway 64, Dad accidentally made a wrong turn and
headed east, instead of west. Suppose you pointed it out to him but he told
you that you were the one who was wrong. Suppose he stubbornly stayed on
that road all the way until he say a road sign that said, 'Louisville city
limit 1 mile.'

"Which would have required more moral courage of him - to travel that last
60 seconds in the wrong direction...or to immediately admit he was wrong,
take the first exit and do an about-face?

"Mom, I know you've lived your whole life as an atheist. But which takes
more moral courage - to stubbornly finish the last mile in the wrong
direction...or to be big enough to admit you were wrong and at the last
minute turn around and take the right road?

"Mom, this is your last mile. Jesus' forgiveness of the thief on the cross
proves His love is so great that it's not too late. He will accept you!
But if you wait any longer, you will miss your last opportunity. Will you
please think about this for awhile and if there is anything that stirs
inside you, tell Jesus if He will have you, you want to turn around and
trust Him right now?

"If you do, three things will happen:

1. Satan and hell will scream in anguish, because you cheated them out of
another victim.
2. All of heaven will rejoice - and so will I and all of us who have been
praying for you for so many years.
3. Daddy will greet you the moment you step into heaven...because he made
the same choice. He's in heaven, Mom. Not in hell. If you don't turn
around now, you'll never see him again. But if you do the same thing Daddy
did and trust Jesus, you will get to spend all eternity together. Can't you
just imagine how you will both laugh and laugh and laugh with joy, to
realize how unimaginably good God was to accept you both, at the absolute
last minute?"

Oh, Martha, I don't know if any of this will "work." I just know that if
the Holy Spirit would prompt you to say anything like this at some point,
you have everything to gain and absolutely nothing to lose.

In His love,

Steve and Judy

How beautifully stated your words of encouragement are. I am reminded of this verse:

" For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God. For it is written: I will destroy the wisdom of the wise, And bring to nothing the understanding of the prudent. Where is the wise? Where is the scribe? Where is the disputer of this age? Has not God made foolish the wisdom of this world? For since, in the wisdom of God the world through wisdom did not know God, it pleased God through the foolishness of the message preached to save those who believe. For Jews request a sign, and Greeks seek after wisdom; but we preach Christ crucified, to the jews a stumbling block and to the Greeks foolishness, but to those who are called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God and the wisdom of God. Because the foolishness of God is wiser than men, and the w eakness of God is stronger than men. For you see your calling, brethren that many wise according to the flesh, not many mighty, not many noble, are called. But God has chosen the foolish things of the world to put to shame the wise, andgod has chosen the weak things of the world to put to shame the things which are mighty; and the base things of the world and the things which are despised God has chosen, and the things which are not, to bring to nothing the things that are, that no flesh should glory inHis presence. But of Him you are in Christ Jesus, who became for us wisdom from God and righteousness and sanctification and redemption--that, as it is written He who glories, let him glory in the Lord"

OH how good He is... and HIs ways are not our ways.

Thank you for sharing.. You are gifted as an evangelist .. so your ideas that might ultimately win Mother are inspired. Thank you so much

I sure love you guys

Martha

PS I have not forgotten your daughter and your missionary trip in my prayers.

Mom's most recent change is a serious decrease/disturbance in vision; which is very sad for her, because she loves to read so.

Other wise continued progressing struggles with getting upright.

She remains in good spirits though.

Take care of yourself and get well.
Love & prayers continually

Martha

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She is having more and more difficulties getting up from a seated position. This am.. we nearly could not get her up from the chair by the table (doing crossword puzzles) so we have not placed both cushions on her chair to try and raise her. I have given her two other options.. #1 use the wheelchair at the table (ultimately she will not be able to get up.. her Dr told us this)

#2 give up sitting at the table and use the new chair Ramsey got her with the bedside hospital table that hospice got her and raise it up enough to put it across her lap and she could use this for eating and reading and puzzles.

I am going to ask hospice if they have other ideas.

Then later this morning I found her sitting up on her bed.. looking totally out of breath and defeated. She had sat herself down and decided to get up to check her email or play her free cell game on her computer and she could not get up. She looked at me and said "I just cannot get up". Ultimately we got the bed firm (she cannot reach the button on the bottom of the bed to press the firm button from on the bed) and we got her up. We now have a baby monitor (which was suggested by the hospice folks and a young mother from church loaned it to me) so I told her that from now on she needs to say Martha when she gets ready to get up and I can come and push the firm button.

Bless her heart.. all of these things take from her independence. In the old days she would be very angry about all of this.. but she is handling this with much humility and grace. I am proud of her. Oh Lord! Help my Mother find you before she dies... Praise You Lord

Anyway the other thing is that her vision has changed greatly during the past couple of days. The Dr says it is a neurological symptom from the tumor growing.

Tonight MJ is staying with her and I am having my first n ight with Tommy in a week. So..... I will not be back until tomorrow evening unless needed.

Love You

martha

Must catch you up because things are intensifying.

Last night my sister stayed.. I was going home for the night to be with Tommy and take Breanna to the peppermint pops today.

My sister (MJ) telephoned about noon and said that Mom had slipped off the side of the bed where she was sitting to dress (just yesterday we discussed how she may not be able to sit anywhere except for this lift chair (God provided) because she is becoming unable to get up from a sitting position at all. Anyway MJ said that she had called 911 because Mom seemed to be in respiratory distress and maybe was even having a seizure.. MJ was very panic stricken. (and sadly I had not prepared her about how to handle a little crisis.. calling hospice or even using Mom's first alert button instead of 911). So my son brought me out here (in the mean time I ask MJ to call hospice and tell them what was going on)

So when I got here they already had Mother in the ambulance. I got in and Mom's BP was 236/113.. she was not verbally responsive at that time but recognized me and listened to me. I ask her if she hurt and she shook her head no. So I ask the EMS people if they could possibly leave her home. I told them that I am her health care rep and they needed proof of that. (well sadly through a situation where Mom's entire will was changed during DAd's illness I no longer had the papers.. so I need to be more prepared) Long story short... I understood the situation that the EMS people where in legally. MJ had called 911 saying Mom was not breathing w/o pulse. They had no choice but to take her in. (I will have my paper work tomorrow) They were very kind.. they gave her o2 but no IV or anything else. I called hospice while they were in the ambulance and it was the hospice folks who were very unkind to the ambulance driver telling them that they had to leave MOM home. Of course they could not do this on the word of folks who said this on the phone. So they took her in .. and Dr Stevenson was the E-room Dr... by then Mom's vitals were normalized and she was coherent and answering questions appropriately (very little from her though)... Dr Stevenson just released her to come home.

Since I have found out that Mom woke at 4:00 am.. wanted to eat some dessert that Lesa C's class had made us .. and Mom ate quite a bit of this .. and after eating it felt like it was difficult to breath. She continued to feel especially bad today and went back to bed. It was when she woke that she decided to try to dress (I normally help her.. and my sister was going in to help her when she saw that Mom was slipping down the side of the bed and unable to stand). I had shown MJ how to use the assistive gait belt yesterday.. but in the position Mom was already in by the time she saw her it was beyond the belt helping.

So then she went to the floor where she began having difficulties breathing and possibly had some seizure activity.

My brother got her back home.. brought her in on with a wheelchair and she went to bed. I've been here since 2:00 and she is still in the same position in her bed. I have a baby monitor.

Oh she is waking

love martha

This was sweet.. you know Mom bought me Philharmonic tickets for my 50th! I was thrilled. Today was the pepperment pops.. but as you saw I was unable to attend... Breanna's Mother was going to use the ticket and take her (I was going to sit her on my lap.. we were looking terribly forward to it) anyway tonight when Mom finally awoke she said "I was thinking.. next week is the nutcracker.. that is much more ballerina dancing for Bre and maybe since it did not work today for you and Bre I could send you to the nutcracker."

Wow Mom used to not be so concerned.. and especially at this time... it touched me.

And one more thing.. the WIND blows extremely hard in this lakeside manor complex. Scary sometimes.. do you have high winds where you are? Compared to the city home you'd had?
Just wondering

Love you so much

Martha

Much better.. we got back into hospice care (in fact the threw out the revolked papers)

Mom actually is a bit better today.

She has some fever... and it is definitely harder for her to get to a standing position from a sitting one.. and she runs out of breath pretty badly after doing the most minor of things.

Cognitively she is less.. .. but often is very normal.

No pain.

breathing is often labored with any activity.. the hospice folks ordered oxygen and this will be used prn and help her some.

So.. thank you sis.. I knew I could call you if I needed. Thank you for the new p hone number.

Thus far fine.. keep praying....

Love

Martha